Picking Up Baby
by BourbonCowboy
Summary: Kim is away on a mission so Ron has to pick up their two kids from school. Easy right? Wrong.


Disclaimer: BourbonCowboy does not own Kim Possible or its characters. She simply uses them to create stories to satisfy her creativity.

Mr. Mom

Ron Stoppable was sitting at his desk in Bueno Nacho headquarters working on some very important stuff. "Okay, Rufus, time me!" He placed a pencil, eraser point down, on his nose and proceeded to keep it standing upright while the pink naked mole rat manned the stopwatch. The two friends were startled by the sudden and loud ringing of the phone on Ron's desk, and the pencil went flying. Ron cartwheeled his arms to keep from falling out his chair before snatching up the phone, "Bueno Nacho Headquarters, Mr. Stoppable speaking, oh hey Kimmie." Rufus made kissy noises which Ron did his best to ignore.

On her end of the line, Kim just waited patiently for her husband to stop and listen. She was dressed in her mission clothes standing outside what could only be described as a villain's lair with a GJ support team waiting for her.

"Ron, I need you to pick up the kids from school today," she held the phone away from her hair as a loud crash told her Ron had fallen out of his chair.

"What? Why can't you pick them up? You know Dylan's teacher hates me!"

"Ron, I'm in Europe with GJ. I just can't make it back in time, please!"

"What about your folks?" he asked desperately, "Or my folks?"

"Mom's away at that brain surgeon's convention. Dad's super busy at the space station getting ready to launch his new rocket and your parents are in Denver with Hana looking at schools." she put her free hand on her hip and scowled into the phone, "Why can't you pick up your own children from school, Ronald? What are you doing right now that is so important?"

Ron dropped the pencil back in the cup on his desk and laughed nervously, "Nothing, KP, I don't mind. What time do they get out?"

"You need to be at Emma's school Downtown by three thirty. Do you remember where her classroom is?" There was an explosion behind her and Kim waved her tactical team into position, "Listen, Ron, I've got to go. Emma, three thirty. Dylan, four thirty. Don't forget their lunchboxes and bring some kind of snack for them in the car. No Bueno Nacho!"

Ron Stoppable just looked at his phone as the dial tone signaled that Kim had hung up. Rufus pointed at the Naco Clock behind Ron's head. It was already ten minutes to three o'clock. "Well, little buddy, we better get moving." Ron took his private elevator down to the garage where the Naco Mobile was waiting. Naco on the outside, mini van on the inside, was how he had described it to his wife. Kim was not impressed, but hadn't had the time to go buy a normal mini van and so Ron had become "The Naco Man". Rufus hopped into his car seat and buckled in, giving Ron the thumbs up. "Okay, first we have to go home and pick up non-Bueno Nacho snacks and juice cups," he started ticking things off on his fingers, "Then Downtown by three thirty to pick up Emma and back to Upperton by four thirty to get Dylan. No big."

At the house, Ron scratched his head as he tried to figure out what he had come home for. Rufus had helped himself to one too many Nacos in the car and was passed out, leaving Ron to try and figure out what he was forgetting by himself. "Oh I know!" he snapped his fingers and walked right past the kitchen to Emma's room to get Pandaroo out of her bed. "Don't forget to bring a toy in the car. The Ron Man is all over it!" Back in the car, Ron fought his way through traffic to arrive at Emma's nursery by three forty-five.

"Now where is her classroom?" he wondered to himself. A glance down at Rufus showed the naked mole rat shrugging his little shoulders. "Can't be too hard to find, there's only one entrance." Ron climbed the couple of steps to the large wooden double doors and let himself in. "This looks familiar..." he mumbled to himself. Somehow, Ron had managed to avoid picking up the kids from nursery every single time his wife asked and thus had not been into either school except for when he and Kim had picked them out. Ron stepped into the main hall. To his left was an office with a single overweight secretary reading a romance novel at her desk. To his right, a staircase led upstairs to where he could hear singing.

"She must be up there," he took the stairs two at a time and came out on the second floor hallway. There must have been a dozen doors all leading to classrooms with small children in them. "Oh no." a quick look at his watch told him it was ten till four and it would take at least twenty minutes to get Upperton. "Better call Kim."

"Ron?" Kim dodged a laser and flipped over an attacking henchman. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing, babe. I just forgot where Emma's classroom is. I'm upstairs but there are, like, twenty rooms! How am I supposed to pick through all those kids to find ours?" he demanded, wondering what all the noise was in the background.

"Go back downstairs, hon," Kim panted, running to hide behind a tall beam to talk, "Go through the door at the end of the hall," a blast tore apart her hiding place and she was forced to roll out of the way.

"Okay, through the door at the end of the hall. Got it. Do I go through the door in front of me or to the right?" he asked, pausing to study a large paper tree with little green hands for leaves. "Creepy."

"The door on the right. Emma's class is the second door on your right!" Kim shouted and hung up, returning to the fight.

"You heard the woman, Rufus. Door on the right, second door. We got it!"

Ron frowned at the empty classroom. This looked like the classroom they had shown him a month ago, but there were no kids. Rufus hopped down and pointed excitedly to a large white plastic basket sitting next to the open door. Inside was a small purple lunch box with a cartoon Pandaroo image on the front. To the left of the door, a bookshelf with baskets with each child's name on it. Ron leaned down and found the basket with Emma's name on it. Inside was a pink hooded sweater and a sippy cup. "Okay, this is her classroom. She's just not in it. Oh no! Someone stole Emma!" Ron was dialing Kim's cell number again when a teacher waved at him from down the hall. "Mr. Stoppable?" she was an older black woman with a kind face.

"Not now, lady, someone kidnapped my kid!" he waved her off, tapping his foot as he waited for Kim to pick up.

"Oh no one took, Emma, Mr. Stoppable. Your wife called earlier and said you might need some help," she laughed at Ron's look of shock, "Emma is upstairs in the gym. Come one, Mr. Stoppable, I'll help you."

"Uh...thanks." Ron followed the kind teacher, whose name was Mrs. Dickinson, further down the hall to a table with sign out sheets.

"When you come to pick up your daughter, you will get whatever is in her cubbyhole then come over here to sign her out. Just initial next to her name. Good, now let's go find your baby."

They walked around the corner, down another hallway and through a small door on the left. This led to another staircase and up to the gym. Ron stopped in front of the gate at the top of the stairs and watched his blond haired little girl push around a toy car on the floor. Mrs. Dickinson opened the gate and called out to her, "Emma, sweetie! Daddy's here!" Emma looked up and smiled a big toothy smile. She was still so tiny and uncoordinated as she ran as fast as her little legs could carry her and leapt into her father's waiting arms. "Daddy!" Ron kissed his little girl on the forehead, turned and thanked Mrs. Dickinson, and retraced his footsteps back out to the Naco Mobile.

Ron strapped his baby girl into her car seat and smiled at Rufus. "This isn't so bad, buddy." Emma kicked her feet and gurgled in baby gibberish. "Here you go, sweetie. Pandaroo!" Emma snatched the plushie from her daddy and hugged it so tight Ron thought it's little head would surely pop right off. "Oh man! It's already four o'clock! Let's move, Rufus!" Ron raced around to his side of the car, slid in and started it up. Emma gurgled happily in the back seat as Ron pulled into traffic and turned towards Upperton. "You know, Rufus, I don't know why I was so worried about picking the kids up. It really isn't so bad." he gloated. Just then, something hit him on the side of the head.

"Ow! What? Emma! Don't throw your shoes at daddy!" Emma giggled in her seat, pulling on her toes she proudly proclaimed "Feet! Daddy, feet!" Ron smiled into the rear view mirror, "Yes, Em, I see your feet." He would have thought Emma's antics were cute if she hadn't chosen that moment to throw her other shoe at him. Ron slouched forward in his seat and glared out the windshield, "Oh yeah. This is why I don't pick them up from school."

They arrived at Dylan's school right at four-thirty. "Rufus," the naked mole rat in question stood at attention, "Watch Emma. I'm going in!" Rufus waved sadly as Ron made his way through the gate and across the toy littered yard. Fortunately for Ron, Dylan's classroom was located just at the top of the stairs. Upon entering the classroom, Ron was immediately assaulted by the two teachers.

"Mr. Stoppable! Dylan is three and a half years old, are you working on potty training at home? He's out of diapers and wipes here at school."

"Mr. Stoppable! Dylan is still biting the other children!"

"Why haven't you returned the medical questionnaire?"

"Here's every scrap of paper your son colored on in the last two weeks!"

Ron backed into the door. "Dylan! Come on, let's get out of here!" Dylan looked up from his spot in front of the television where he was watching Thomas the Tank Engine, but did not get up. Ron quickly snatched him up, grabbed the backpack out of the cubbyhole and initialed the sign-out sheet. He could swear the teachers shouted, "Quick he's escaping!" as father and son hightailed it back to the car. Ron strapped his son into his car seat before climbing back behind the wheel and wiping his forehead with the sleeve of his shirt. "Let's get out of here, Rufus." Ron looked around confused when Rufus didn't respond, "Rufus? Emma!" In his haste, Ron did not notice that Rufus was now stuffed in Pandaroo's pouch and strapped into Emma's car seat and Emma was rolling around naked in the backseat. Ron got out of the car and walked around to the back, opening the back door only to find Emma was now in the driver's seat honking the horn. "Emma! Stay still!" Ron climbed into the car and closed the door behind him. Whap! Dylan's shoe smacked him square in the face. The little boy laughed as his father crawled over the seats and snagged Emma out the front. Immediately, Emma arched her back and began to shriek as Ron attempted to put her back in her diaper and clothes. Ten minutes later, bruised but pleased, Ron successfully strapped Emma into her seat. He crawled panting back into the driver's seat and pulled back onto the main road that would take them home. "Twenty minutes and things will go back to normal, Rufus," Rufus just scowled from his seat on the passenger's side. "Now I remember why I never pick them up. They become monsters in the car! Let's go home!"

The Naco Mobile sat through four cycles of the same red light before finally pulling onto the toll bridge that would bring them back to Middleton. Dylan and Emma were both sending their windows up and down, up and down. Ron reached over and slapped the button to lock the windows before rolling up the back windows from the main controls. Immediately, both children started crying. "Rufus! Do something! Be a frog!" Ron begged. Rufus climbed up onto the top of the seat so both kids could see him and did his best to imitate a frog. Emma clapped her hands and gurgled, "Froggy! Ribbit Ribbit!" Ron smiled, "That's right, Em, Rufus is being a froggy! Ribbit!" Rufus now began to moo like a cow, but Emma did not smile at this. Her green eyes narrowed at the naked mole rat and she said in a low voice, "Froggy. Ribbit. Ribbit." Ron gulped, "Dude, just stick with the frog."

"Snack!" Dylan demanded, kicking the back of his daddy's seat. "I hungry. Snack!"

"Juice!" Emma declared.

Ron smacked the heel of his hand to his forehead. "Oh man! Rufus! I forgot the snacks. What are we going to do?" Rufus opened the cooler in the back of the car and shook his head sadly, "Nacos." he piped. "No can do, little buddy," Ron glanced in his rear view mirror at Rufus scrounging in the bottom of the empty cooler in hopes he had missed something. "I promised Kim that I wouldn't feed the kids any more Bueno Nacho. We need to stop somewhere...I know! The Pizza Partytorium!" Both children squealed in delight. "Pizza!"

The Naco Mobile pulled into the last open space in the parking lot and Ron ran around to grab the stroller and load the two screaming children into it. "Okay, kids! Pizza!" Ron tried, but the children were inconsolable. "Hop on, Rufus!" He pushed the stroller as fast as he could into The Pizza Partytorium, but was stopped inside by a pimply faced teen. "I'm sorry sir, but we're full." Ron's face fell. "What do you mean, you're full? My kids are starving and they want pizza!" The teen adjusted his tie as a small group entered behind Ron and passed right into the arcade/diner. Ron narrowed his eyes. "You're not too full for them? Just me?" The poor teen spoke into the mike on his head, "Manager to the front door. It's Stoppable."

"What? How do you know who I am?" Ron demanded, meanwhile, Dylan pulled Emma's hair and made her cry even louder. Ron knelt down to try and console his two year old, to no avail. Emma's face turned an unhealthy shade of red and... "Hit the dirt!" Ron rolled out of the way and covered his head just as his daughter threw up more than her body weight and continued to shriek. Dylan began chanting "Gross! Gross!" just as the manager showed up.

"Mr. Stoppable, I'm sorry but you were banned from Pizza Partytorium for life. I thought we had explained this? Do I need to call security or can you see yourself out."  
Ron just glared, turned and wheeled the children back to the car. "Let's just go home and daddy will cook."

Ten minutes later, Ron had the kids home and in the bathtub to rinse the vomit off of them. Rufus retreated to his little rodent bed upstairs and Ron turned to start dinner just as Kim came home. She walked over, kissed her husband then her children.

"So how did it go, Ron? Not too bad, right?" she asked as Ron turned back to the stove. When he didn't answer, Kim walked over and wrapped her arms around his narrow waist. "Honey?" Ron did not look at her as he said, "Kim, I love you. And I love our kids. But I am never going through that again." Just then, two naked babies went streaking past them. Kim just giggled and kissed Ron's cheek.

End

Author's Notes: Poor Ron. My niece and nephew are like this. It's like, as soon as they get in the car they become little monsters! Hope you enjoyed it!


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